Why not OWN your very own profit center gazette?
Design it to advertise the program(s) you want to see placed up front! Tired of advertising for others? gazette, don't settle for a small part of the pie...
gazette, YOU can have it ALL!! gazette, receive a monthly check for referrals generated from your very own profit center! Allow the system to auto- matically send out a personalized message on your behalf...
I have a domain name for sale that will be exceptionally good for your business: www.midwifes.com.
Your business will be seen as being more successful. There is prestige in owing a Dot Com Domain.
Your business will be seen as being more creditable. A Dot Com domain gives your business a more established feel.
[Doesn't he know that midwives is spelled with a "v"? Or is it intentionally misspelled because www.midwives.com is already taken?]
[This one isn't spam but it's funny anyway.]
Indonesia's First Penguin Meets Kangaroos
Trabas, the first Indonesian Penguin, will meet the Kangaroos at The Linux Business Expo & Open Source Conference on 7-9 March 2001 at Sydney Convention & Exhibition Center, Australia.
[Trabas makes an Internet Account Management & Billing System (IAMBS) for ISPs and other Internet-based service providers, as well as other software products.]
You are receiving this E-mail because you signed up for Big Daddy up dates and you showed interest in motorcycles or motorcycle products. If you are looking for an E-Zine for bikers look no further!
Do you have an interest in Affordable Personal Alcohol Detectors??? Please visit our Drunk Driving Prevention Center at...
This is not considered SPAM.
You and I have not met, but because you?re a respected business professional with an interest in improving employee productivity, I would like to offer you a free preview of the Professional Selling SkillMap(tm).
I found your address on a site about wine and spirits, cigar and good living. X is a virtual club for all those interested in wine in both a professional and personal capacity. You too can be among our 6992 members to receive our free weekly bulletin.
[And you too can be among the 6048 who receive an lg-announce message every month.]
We are responding to your request for FREE analysis of your site... We feel there is very substantial potential to promote your site on the Internet...
Please REPLY to this email and include your full name, telephone number and URL.
[What?! They are responding to us and they're asking for our URL? I thought they already had it....]
FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION... YOU HAVE BEEN RECOMMENDED BY AN ASSOCIATE WHO ASSURED ME IN CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING BUSINESS TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.
WE ARE TOP OFFICIALS OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORTATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN [West African country].
THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS : DURING THE REGIME OF OUR LATE HEAD OF STATE, [name], THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES... WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF [that country].
HOWEVER, DUE TO OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT THE SUM OF US$25,000,000.00 (TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) WILL BE PAID BY TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER. HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER.
WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS:
1. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS)
2. 20% FOR THE FOREIGN PARTNER (YOU)
3. 20% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES.
IT IS FROM THIS 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT IN LATEST TEN (10) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF RECIEPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION . A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID.
THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENTS AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY NAME.
[Now let me get this straight. You expect the total taxes and fees to add up to only 20%? But the US government will want 50% or more in taxes; where will the other 30% come from? And 70 + 20 + 20 adds up to 110%, not 100%. Where will that money come from? And I'm supposed to put my business' reputation on the line for you? What do you want to import anyway, drugs? And finally, whose money is this anyway? If it was government overpayment then the money belongs to the taxpayers of your country and should be returned to them. It's not there for you skim the pork off your civil service job and get rich on the backs of your countrymen.]
Dear Friend and Future Millionaire...
Mystery Shoppers Needed! GET PAID to shop at your favorite stores...
My name is [name] and I came upon your site and think there is a GREAT opportunity for us to partner. At [site] you can create your own branded/private label travel website with your own banners, logo's, custom design, and graphics for FREE.
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[This one got Your Editor really riled up and he wrote, "F*** you, [name]. We don't need no stinkin' viruses!" Then Ben calmed me down by reminding me that it was probably sent without the querent's knowledge.
In any case, I can't believe the idiodicy of uuencoding a Windows virus. Most Windows machines don't have a uudecoder installed. Or does MS Outlook uudecode?" ]
Your name was given to me by a colleague who thought you would be interested in this special opportunity since you are in the bulk email/internet marketing business.
[Unlike the other messages above, which are bona fide e-mails I received, this is one Rory Krause and I made up.]
Looking for a desktop OS to go with your Linux servers? How about Microsoft Windows? Your office staff will love the familiar user interface. Your tech-support people will no longer have to answer the question, "What's that funny window key on the keyboard for?" And best yet, it's is Samba-comaptible!!
Editor, Linux Gazette, firstname.lastname@example.org